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Update #19 - Winter, 2008 Update #19 Hi everybody, It has been just over a year since you last heard from La Vida Dulce. Family, friends and our wonderful club members are aware of the reason behind the silence, but it is time to update the rest of you who follow our stories from other places. As I reported in my last update, Danny had been diagnosed with some heart problems, but with medication and the cessation of smoking, he was doing very well. I am sad to report, Danny became ill on November 15th, 2006, and passed away suddenly and quietly in the early morning hours on November 21st. It was a horrific shock as he had been thriving so well since receiving medical attention. In the following days, I was in a real daze, dealing with the Canadian Embassy in Havana and the Canadian Consulate here in Varadero. Thankfully, we had Canadian friends here visiting, and along with our Cuban friends, and family phone calls from Canada, there was constant support for Lobita and I. After the initial hub bub settled down, Lobita and I vegetated for about six weeks. We went for our daily walks and did our usual chores on the boat, but I hid from the world. During this time, I have to say the Canadian authorities, Cuban officials, marina staff, family, friends and club members were so supportive and helpful, it made decision making and life in general more tolerable. My family totally supported my decision to remain here in Varadero, but I knew I could return to Canada when and if I wanted. I got my dander up a few times, talking to people in the area who were surprised that I was not heading back to Canada. However, Danny and I were living our dream and I had no desire to change anything at this time. When someone would ask about my leaving here, I would ask if they all of a sudden lost their spouse, would they sell their home and move away? Of course not! For Christmas, I wanted to make some CD's of photos for Danny's mom and two daughters. I really fretted over this chore, thinking of the grief it would cause, but when I started, I felt such an inner peace. In all the photos I have of our life, Danny is laughing, enjoying life! He was truly happy, and that thought holds me near and dear every day. I know he was much too young, but to enjoy life to the fullest - can any of us ask for anything more? I also find comfort when I think Danny died just as he always wanted - quickly, painlessly, on his boat, in Cuba, and in his bed. My sister, Connie, contacted me just after Christmas, to say she was coming down in early January. This notice jump-started me. I had to get the boat ready for company, so I started a major cleanup and washdown campaign. By the time Connie arrived, I felt a little more normal than I had been feeling in the last few weeks. She spent a week with me, and I will be forever grateful to her for helping me to start living again. She has always been a major influence in my life, and she helped me realize I could be strong once again. Connie left, and it was time to await the arrival of Bill and Barb on Babsea, with fellow club members Lois and Chet tagging along. They spent three weeks with me, before heading west, and eventually reaching Belize. During their stay here, I had to renew my visa, as it had been six months since I entered the country, (when Danny and I had returned from Cay Sal Bank in the Bahamas). Immigration was very gracious, and allowed me to leave the marina with La Vida Dulce early one morning, and return later that afternoon. The usual routine for a visa renewal is to leave the marina one day, go out 12 miles into international waters, then return the following day. I was very fortunate for their special consideration due to circumstances. Bill and Barb came out with me, we spent the day cruising around, and returned late afternoon. I will admit it was very difficult for me to be out in “our playground” without Danny beside me, but I had to realize that from this point onward, every step I took would be a new beginning without my captain and partner. About a week later, Bill, Barb, Lois, and a very good friend, Brett, accompanied me, again on La Vida Dulce. We navigated to the shore of the Dupont Mansion, about 10 miles down the peninsula. Danny and I were married there on February 04, 1989, and with my dearest friends with me, we had a quiet memorial for Danny. There were other boats here, and I heard through the ever-present grapevine, some people thought I was in denial with Danny's death, because I was not angry. I know the “experts” all say there is a period of anger in the mourning process, but to me this does not seem logical. Who would I get angry at? Certainly not Danny - I am sure he did not want this. I could be angry at myself for not using more force to get him back to the doctor - if any of you think I did not try, think again. There is nobody to be angry with. I have a friend who lost her husband a few years ago, at a young age, and she is so angry at the world, she has become very bitter. I don't want that. I want to relish my happy memories, and know that we both had the courage to leave behind the “norm” to live our dream, and I will continue living this dream as long as I possibly can. By the time Babsea left, it was time for me to negotiate with a local facility to haul out the boat to get the bottom painted. It had been a little over three years since the last job, and long overdue. However, it takes so long to arrange things here, I was soon out of time, and had to put the haulout on hold. I had to return to Canada to deal with legal matters, so I left Lobita with the carpenter, the boat in the capable hands of good friend, Captain Jorge (el Gato), and flew back to Canada on April 10th of this year. Big mistake!!!! It snowed for the first two weeks I was there!!!! I swore I would never see snow or cold again. I was wrong!!!! I will admit that the ten weeks I was in Canada from April 10th until the middle of June, I was able to spend four of those days without a jacket or sweater. I spent four weeks between Lois' house in Sudbury and Danny's mom's apartment in Sault Ste. Marie. The time I spent with Danny’s mom was very healing for me, and, I hope, for her as well. We laughed, we cried, and she pulled “senior’s rank” when we had a difference of opinion. She also whole-heartedly supported my decision to continue living “the dream”. In honour of Danny's mom's faith, we had a memorial for Danny at St. Luke's Cathedral in the Sault, and he is resting in a columbarium with his brother, Stephen. Danny’s daughters, Kim and Tracy joined us from Alberta, and although a very sad occasion, I think a very important reunion. I then headed out to Alberta, and spent six weeks with family and friends. I was fortunate to be able to see my grandson six hours after he was born - my ninth grandchild. I found the pace to be very stressful and hectic, but a lot of it was probably due to all the business I had to take care of with settling the estate and dealing with lawyers, banks and other legal institutions. However, Connie, and her husband, Gary, kept my head on straight and were able to provide me with much appreciated advice when I needed it. And, my kids and grandkids provided me with lots of laughs and love – both very necessary in this world today. Once again, the support and love I received in Ontario and Alberta helped make the road a whole lot smoother. I returned to Varadero in mid June, and immediately began preparations to haul the boat out. It got new bottom paint, new paint on the topsides, and was back at the dock a week later. If anyone wants information on the haulout facility here, you can contact me by e-mail. I may be a little prejudiced, but in determining costs and quality of work, I feel this facility ranks very high. When I first returned, there were two new boats in the marina. A Swiss man, Thomas, alone on his boat, and Ernie (Newfie - go figure), whose wife, Dianna was on summer vacation in Canada. I truly believe without these two gents (yeah, right), I do not know where I would be right now. They are fun-loving, carefree, upbeat guys who would not let me sit and moan and groan by myself. Every day they had me out on my bicycle, we would visit the markets, beaches, and outlying communities, and laugh all day long. They never allowed any negative thoughts, and by the time Dianna returned, the four of us were very good friends. Ernie and Dianna have since moved on to Marathon, Florida, Thomas left his boat here to return to work for a few months, but the lessons they left me with are keeping me positive. The most important thing I learned from meeting these friends is Ernie's Newfie wisdom which told me if I had to work at maintaining a friendship, it is not worth it. With my new attitude, I have learned to relax around people, not be so judgmental, laugh out loud more often, and not to let a bad experience ruin my day. I feel more comfortable knowing I have the ability to turn away from unpleasantness, and find my own happiness without depending on others to provide it. So, this is almost the end of this update, but in the last two months, I have had two more exhilarating experiences. One was joining Bill and Barb on their boat in the Rio Dulce, in Guatemala, and the other was helping Captain Jorge deliver a 40 ft. sport fishing boat 670 nautical miles to the southeast coast of Cuba. So, although, my updates may have a bit of a different slant, I will still send updates of life in Cuba, the cruisers coming and going, and to write about my last two adventures, and those still waiting for me. If anyone wants to contact me directly, I have had to change e-mail addresses, as Yahoo does not seem to work very well here. So, you can contact me at debbielobita@hotmail.com, and I will be happy to provide any information I can about visiting Cuba, either by boat or by air. On a final note, years ago, I copied the following verse. I do not know the author, so I hope I do not get sued for copying it here, but it is another source of peace for me. And I quote: “Touching Shoulders There’s
a comforting thought at the close of the day,
In Loving Memory, “My God, Thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small”
All the best to you in 2008. Thank you for your love and support during the last year. I am blessed. With our hearts and thanks, Debbie y Lobita sailing on La Vida Dulce
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